Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sober January is a disaster.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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