the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
