I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
