he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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