When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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