i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
