4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
