you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
