I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
