he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
