Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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