i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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