i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
