SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am naked and annoyed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
