i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
