You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
