you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
