They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
