shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
