I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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