my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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