bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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