I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
