I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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