apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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