I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
