I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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