no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
