6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
