got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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