he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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