Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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