We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
