So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
