I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
