hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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