I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
