Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
