I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
