Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
