I hate all girls vehemently.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
