i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize