when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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