420 ftw
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
