On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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