sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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