if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need water and some morals
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
