the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
