dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
