I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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