onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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