this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
