I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
