low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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