Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
