i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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