I want to stick my p in your. b.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
