I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
